time to put some money where my mouth is?

Due to some of the surveillance/tracking stuff in the news of late I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of looking at various 'secure' email and so on to do something about my gmail account and blogger.

I didn't really find anything I liked so instead i got myself a domain and a virtual private server to play with. I had originally intended to set something up on my home network via a static address but I never got around to it. Unfortunately getting a vps in switzerland is cheaper than even doing that - and that's with the virtual hardware and unlimited network bandwidth the latter of which is big buckeroonies in australia.

Well I still haven't done anything with it apart from setup apache with a nothing homepage pointing back to my isp hosted stuff, but it's at www.zedzone.space.

I'm still pretty lazy on the whole idea so it might take a while but i'll move my code and blog and eventually add an email to it. I don't particularly like working at that end these days (despite multiple shots at CMS subsystems) - too much security and complexity to worry about - but i'll see how it goes.

Although logging in here to post this did give me pause for thought on getting a bit less lazy about it. Despite never having offering it before blogger just gave me a page to buy and link a custom domain for a-hackers-craic.

Thanks google for once again mining my email to sell me something I already bought!

Next it'll be combat boots, kilts, and beer ... Adelaide Review article which includes bits about me (not sure why i didn't introduce myself as Zed that time, would've been better!).

Update: 15/4/2018. I finally got off my laze arse and spent a wet afternoon playing with the site - i've copied my internode (ISP) pages to the server, fixed some paths, and installed cvstrac for browsing the source (of some of the projects) via the new virtual host code.zedzone.space.

Still to do is the blog.

intel bugs, surveys, random shit

Well i've been following the whole "spectre" and "meltdown" saga over the last week or so. Apart from the pretty offensive development of branding (ugh) for a set of mostly unrelated bugs, loads of pro-intel FUD, misdirection and so on, it's been a bit of a fun ride of stupidity.

I haven't seen any patches for my laptop or work computers so far - one because i don't run any av software on microsoft? Ugh, what a fucking mess. I barely use that machine any more anyway, even less so while running that junk.

What's most appalling is that the problem has been sat on for 6 months under "responsible disclosure" while intel continued selling gimped hardware based on bogus benchmarks. And yet the linux and *bsd developers are either only just starting on or working on cleaning up fixes very recently - even intel is still fucking around with microcode updates.

The tech press, apart from The Register (who really broke this story) has been pretty shithouse too. "big nothingburger" for a massive massive security hole that isn't actually fixed by any of these OS kernel patches, merely mitigated. It's a big big serious problem, with big big serious costs, and the handling the disclosure has been an utter disaster - seemingly designed to spread fud about the impacts and costs. Still, if you relied on a single supplier - and particularly a nefarious piece of shit company like Intel - for any serious hardware investment, sucked in I guess? We all have to pay for your stupidity in the end regardless.

Blah.

I was insomniac[sic] late night and bored so I took the latest stack overflow survey. Apart from some pretty strange questions it's pretty clear why nobody reads my blog - no mention of almost any of the technologies I use day to day. Well at least they had the brains to identify C and C++ as two separate languages I suppose.

Some of the "order these in importance to you" questions I just skipped - I didn't care about the topic at all. A minor problem was a bit of confusion with "framework" "language", etc - where would OpenCL fit if they even included it? No CUDA either for that matter. Plenty of questions about advertising. No I don't use an ad-blocker but I turn off javascript which makes the site oh so much faster and kills most adverts as a bonus.

Sleep has been pretty miserable lately - probably a side-effect of overdoing it a bit, but I think i've gained enough weight again for the sleep apnoea to kick in. One example of overdoing it was the last weekend. Hit the beach Saturday afternoon, dropped in at a mates place - drank a carton of (bloody expensive) piss, went to a party (total strangers apart from him), was up all night whilst everyone else was falling asleep, back to his place to pick my bike up - for a couple more, another dip, and finally dropped by the pub on the way home for a fast (very slow!) one. Barmaid thought i was managing well all things considered but maybe that's because I always look exhausted and feel like shit? Nothing like a 36 hour day to get you tired; and then I was awake after only 4 hours of bloody sleep. For a couple of silly reasons I also got sunburnt to a crisp, oops.

Finally kicking into summer mode!

Another year down

Well that was 2017 I guess. Better than 2016 for me at least.

Pretty much recovered from NYE and NYEE drinking but I might take it easy for a couple of days. Waiting for the weather to heat up enough to get back to the beach, did some gardening. The replacement BIOS arrived today so I resurrected my PC too - still seems a bit funny so i'll probably get another one soonish but it works again for now.

I found a laser printer dumped on the side of the road so took it apart for something to do. Surprising amount of screws, custom springs, cogs, and lots and lots of tough plastic. Probably nothing I can do with it but the imaging unit is kinda cool - rotating mirror, a couple of lenses and mirrors. I suppose the more surprising thing is how much technology is placed in what is essentially a throwaway, one-use device. The "consumable" isn't the toner in these things, it's the whole machine; and what's worse is the realisation that the economies of scale mean it couldn't be done any other way. The world is so fucked.

When I wrote the following on the new jjmpeg home page:

Version 3+ is a complete rewrite from earlier versions which have effectively dissapeared from the internet after google code closed down.

I didn't realise just how true it was. Without google code and regular blog updates my projects have basically vanished from the internets - and more so from google search than others. I'm not particularly surprised there is no real interest in the projects themselves but effectively vanishing is a bit weird. Unless you're using some proprietary publishing platform you essentially don't exist.

Well i've got a few weeks off at least anyway; i'll take a break from the computer, watch some cricket, and basically just bum around a bit.

Zed's not dead

I just haven't been coding or doing really anything terribly interesting lately!

And so it goes.

Update: 29.11.16 And so it goes ...

my lonesome easter

I made some chocolate cakes.

They have 2 fresh Habanero chillies in them, so they're quite potent. I also undercooked them a bit but they can be salvaged with a few minutes in a toaster oven. As I have no one to eat them with i did a half-batch and froze most of them.

I also had a 3k pork forequarter that had been in the freezer a bit too long so I took that out and spent a couple of days cooking different things with it.

Sliced some up with some skin on, marinated them in something jerk-ish, and put them in the vertical grill; basically spare ribs. I used the marinade again on a the hock overnight and then long-roasted that the next day. Got a few nice sandwiches out of that.

Baked some bread for said sandwiches; well bread-maker baked. I throw in some Bulgar wheat and linseed to make it a bit more interesting.

Diced a lean cut and made a masaman curry with it; I had intended to make a green curry but the shops were closed and that's all I had. I froze most of that because I had too much other food. It could've been better but it's ok.

Then I took the meaty bones and a bunch of other bones i'd been keeping for the purpose and pressure cooked the lot for 2.5 hours. I sloughed the meat off the bones, added lots of chillies, some tomatoes, garlic, spices, soup powders, stock powders, soy sauce, fish sauce, lemon basil; and made a super-spicy pork soup out of it.

It's super-hot! And very fatty so to be consumed in small amounts. I made the noodles for this bowl too of course. Because the mixer bowl was occupied I first tried making the noodles by hand but failed miserably; didn't add enough water, but then I freed up the mixer bowl and finished the job.

The mixer bowl was busy because I also made some hot-cross buns and the dough was still rising.

Without the xtian symbology of course. The recipe I had seemed to have far too little water so I added more but the resultant texture doesn't seem quite right. I think i overcooked them a bit and maybe let them rise a bit too long as it's a bit light and dry inside but the holes are small and evenly distributed. I also added much more spice, a little golden syrup and chocolate pieces as well.

I have these strange chilli plants I got seeds from mum and I was curious as to which variety they were. This morning I did some searching and found out; Aji Orchid, aka Peri Peri, Bishops Crown, or many other common names.

I've got quite a few of these growing and as they are cross pollinated seeds they are all a bit different - shapes vary quite a bit and so does their heat from almost nothing to enough to notice. They are tall thin plants. A couple of the bushes I have are over 6' high now and still seem to be growing upwards. But I've had a lot of problem with Eggfruit Caterpillars (my best guess) this year, so much so that i've not managed to get any ripe fruit yet; well and I keep eating them before they get that far.

Anyway I still had a day to burn through so I looked into pickling some. I found a reference on pickling brine concentrations (beyond 'add salt'), found a lid that fit a lidless jar I had and made an airlock out of an empty pill bottle I suddenly have lots of. Then picked some chillies and cut them up.

I waited to see how much water would come out on it's own - as I expected not much at all so I topped it up with 500ml of 7.5% brine and inserted a jar to keep them submerged, sealed it up and put it in the cupboard to be forgotten about for a while to let them ferment in peace.

I then got out in the garden and did a rush job setting up some furrows and seeding some wintery things in one garden bed. I planted some snow peas but the rest was a medley of seeds I just threw around; bugs always seem to eat my winter vegetables so it's not worth the effort but who knows it might work this time. I think I used broccoli, chinese cabbage, brussel sprouts, and lettuce.

And then I dug a big hole and moved a lime tree from a half-wine-barrel into the ground. I was surprised at how much the roots had filled the whole barrel but otoh it didn't seem root bound either. Once it was out of the pot I managed to lift the whole thing in and out of the hole so despite watering regularly the dirt wasn't holding any of it but I knew that anyway from the state of growth and lack of fruit. I'm sure my back will be a bit sore tomorrow.

Over the last 4 days I also played a good many hours of Bloodborne and other games. I'm stuck again in Bloodborne - Micolash, Martyr Logarius, or Lower Pthumeru Chalice (Rom again). I'm starting to get a bit sick of grinding (i'm level 105 or something) because i'm just too slow in reactions to be able to get through some parts without it. I'm about 100 hours in anyway which is pretty much my limit with any long game. Maybe i'll keep playing.

I also played some DRIVECLUB in memorial of Evolution Studios being shut down. Why a game of such high quality and depth didn't sell well is beyond me but it's a bit of a bummer and hopefully they can find a way to make more driving games in the future as they have always made really special games.

RIP Evolution, the next beer I have is for you guys.

I nipped out to the shops on Saturday morning but otherwise haven't seen another soul since Thursday evening. I had no visitors, nobody called, the friends I might visit are all away for the weekend. At least I got a couple of emails but none from 'regular' friends.

It's all just so pointless isn't it?

unkown unknowns

If I quit my job, what will I do instead?

Pity I can't afford to retire fully although given no male in my family has reached 60 yet that might not be true either! Probably should be though as two of those were somewhat self-inflicted and dad was cancer in the 80s.

But I can afford to quit this one if I choose to.

For a start it's been around 10 years which is much longer than i've had any other job for and whilst it's been often challenging and engaging there is always the fair share of frustration and baggage built up over such a span of time. For instance i've had years of work stuck in locked drawers unused. Stuff that should have been published, stuff that may even be published yet. It's even in an industry I don't particularly want to be a part of (not that I can think of any I do want to be part of!). On-top of all this there have been a good few years of very odd circumstances which only came to a head around xmas last year. Circumstances that while discussing with peers in hindsight appear to border on abuse. It was only though incidental rather than malicious intent but the cause doesn't affect the outcome. It's been raised and addressed but it feels too little too late since too much damage has been done that just can't be undone. Actually the initial reaction to the insight i've gained about the workplace itself in the last few weeks is that the whole joint is a complete fuckup and is a big reason i'm thinking of leaving sooner rather than later.

One other particular thing of note that crossed my mind over the last couple of days whilst reflecting on the whole period is that i've made absolutely no new friends during it - not a single one. And I don't just mean "real proper" friends you keep in touch with decades later which can be rare - I've had absolutely no social interaction with anybody outside of being at work itself (or lunch) or the annual xmas party. And the xmas party is mostly contractors i've never worked with. It's not entirely without reasons, to start with there just wasn't that many I did work with, and most people already have their lives done at this age. But it still does seem a little odd in hindsight given i've generally gotten on quite well with most of them and all the time involved.

Despite all this I've usually felt it was adequately compensated with lower and flexible work hours, an almost completely free reign in technology and implementation choices, and extended amounts of summer leave (even if it was usually due to funding shortages). But even these - as absolutely awesomely awesome as they are to me - have their limit of worth.

So I haven't decided yet.

One reason is of course what happens next. I don't really feel like i'm capable of much at all right now (look at the dearth of hacking on this blog for evidence) but that might be more perception than reality and it could change in the blink of an eye. I can however afford to take plenty of time to get my shit together if I need to (decades actually). Another is that I've never had to actually look for any job i've ever had and i'm generally pretty hung up about doing such things for the first time, yeah still. Due to working for Ximian/Novell and now these guys I don't have much of a local 'network', although it's not empty either. And my skills and interests are (probably?) not in much demand around this sleepy city outside of where I am now. Well obviously with my skills and experience I can code almost anything for almost anything (or quickly learn how to) but there's a lot of rather unappealing anythings out there that get coded and there's often some really poor technology taking up the flavour-of-the-month pedestal at any given time as icing on the cake.

If I decide in the positive will I manage to last out the remaining money for this year? Professionally one would think there is no question but personally once a decision like this has been made it will be hard to continue. I'm just a casual employee (no notice needed) and this is not an entirely professional matter I think. Another 3 months? Hmm.

I'll think about it some more I guess.

update: Told 'em. Well, we'll see. They don't want to let me go. I mean really not. I guess i'm worth something.

still breathing

Holidays about to end. Yay, back to work.

Pretty uneventful overall. Getting sick stopped me going to the beach and then I didn't feel like doing anything at all; it's been a very quiet last few weeks and I haven't left the house in a week. I ran out of people to catch up with as well, and vary rarely does anyone try the reverse. Peach tree got ripe which is nice and i'm starting to get some chillies, and i might finally get some ripe tomatoes next week - they're just taking forever. Overall the garden's been a bit shit this year as it's just been too dry - we just had a wet couple of days but that's the only rain we've had for months. My water bill will make none of it worth it. Even the roses only flowered properly once.

I finally decided to crack open some of the games sitting here and I've been playing a lot of Bloodborne the last week ... i'm pretty impressed with the level and enemy designs and the fighting mechanics. I'm always surprised when i find a whole new area to explore which adds another major variation to the environments and enemies. The graphics and framerate are much better than I expected from "reports" - the chromatic aberration is barely visible from the couch and actually looks fairly natural, and it's got some frame-drops but is otherwise very solid. The level of detail and density is incredible and the lighting changes as one progresses (certain bosses advance time) changes the whole mood. After 28 hours i restarted with a new guy so i could level better and am 37 hours and 90 levels in with him. But despite the really tight combat (which took days to get to grips with) and inspired setting; it's just starting to feel like any other RPG - I progress till I get stuck on a new area or a big baddie and then have to grind levels and equipment to progress. Death is cheap so it's more just an annoyance at this point. I did the first couple of preset chalice dungeons yesterday and they are a mixed bag; it leveled up my weapons but even the first run feels like grinding. So it's getting a little boring actually since i'm getting a bit overpowered in the areas i've already done, stuck on a new area, and the chalice dungeons feel old already. I guess I'll keep going, at least it's a heavy time-sink. It's all a bit fucking dreary though.

And still no Vulkan?

vintage hardware

So my random visits to 2nd hand shops & pawnbrokers finally ended in spending some money.

It also came with the garishly-bright-orange lined, grey padded vinyl carrying case and a few bits as well. Was a little bit of a haul on the bike but it survived the journey home strapped to the pannier rack.

I took the top off and it looks unworn although there are a few wear marks here and there externally. I ran a few stitches and it seems to work ok, certainly better than the other machine from such a limited test. It has some strange stitches such as ones that move the needle backwards and the zigzag width setting mechanism is just a bit novel.

Not much about this make on the internet apart from someone trying to sell the same one for $400 on gumtree. But it just appears to be a Brother rebadge and there's more info on those and best i can tell it seems to be about as old as me. Strangely there are almost no manufacturer markings on the machine at all apart from the branding on the front and a serial number on a plate riveted to the underside. Maybe they were hiding the fact that it was made in Japan?

I just wanted a free-arm machine and given it was almost all metal and it looked to be in good enough nick the $89 cash converters wanted didn't seem much of a risk even if the bloke gave me some funny looks. Not that i have anything in particular to sew but it's handy to have one that works properly.

big whoop, another year down

Been busy with getting out of the house, going to the beach (it's turned into a weekly heatwave here), hanging around friends, ... but now i'm pretty stuffed and have some time to think about the year ahead.

It's just as bleak and pointless as it's been every year for the last 20 and i'm getting pretty tired of it.

hot for xmas

Yay i'm on leave at last.

But what am i to do,

with all this time to pass.

It's been really hot this week - from Monday I think it was 39, 40, 41, 42, and the last forecast i saw had 43 44 for Saturday before a bit of a cool-down. I've been going to the beach in the afternoon then dropping into the city for a couple before going home (and yesterday i went back to the beach again but that was a bit keen). Today i stepped on something in the murky water (puffer fish? crab?) which cut deep enough into the pad of my foot to sting, so i came straight home and tended to that. Seems ok so far and i drew more blood hitting my head in the bathroom leaning down to dry my feet so hopefully it will clear up and i'm not stuck hobbling for too long - i've had more than enough of that this year. Apart from not being cold enough there was a line of murk and some shit floating on the water so it's not the peak experience so i might've skipped tomorrow regardless. It's pretty much dull as fuck too but it is decent exercise and i'm getting quite fit and shapely.

The pubs have been a bit feral and i'm not really enjoying the beer much so i might give that part a rest for the foreseeable future too. Drinking alone really is pretty pathetic but it's somehow ended up at a stage where it's either that or stay home alone apart from some occasional visits to friends (well, one friend, who's still close enough and usually home) or from friends (well, mostly one friend, but not for a while). I rarely hear from family unless they're passing through town although that's probably about the right amount. It just sort of happened.

Going to be a touch cooler next week but its looking high 30s for xmas day which at least is a good start for the day. I probably wont go "home" for it but i'm undecided as to it's final fate. I have done it alone before and that was a really nice and relaxing day but I can imagine it being not so nice if the mood swings the wrong way and this year it's not been swinging up much. Friend offered his parents do if i feel like grandchildren running amok.

Garden's still alive but it's taking a lot of water to keep it so. Its been a pretty dry year with rainfall 150mm+ under the average which is only a paltry 550mm to start with but there might be one more thunderstorm left yet. After a short family visit on the first, the second morning of leave I cut down a tree out the front that was over-shading the roses and was rotting at the base - I was expecting the rest of the tree to be a bit dead but it was only right at the stump but i'm glad i got it out since it didn't seem too solid in the ground. But it's been too hot to do much since. Riding isn't actually too bad so long as you're moving and you slow down as soon as you feel over-exertion but i think it's wise to give the hills a miss for the moment unless i feel like an early ride and have the urge to feel sore the next day (yeah i dunno, i'm a bit over that).

I need more winding-down before thinking about hacking so perhaps i should finally crack open some games but eh, maybe. I could use some good sleep-in's too but i keep getting up early instead, at least the heat has slowed down the builders across the road some so i might have a chance if i try. I sort of did this morning but being awake from 3am to 7am beforehand rather negated any possible benefit.

Life rolls by.

Well that sank a lengthy day.

Who would have thought a pair of boardies would be so complicated.

Picking apart seams will be in my dreams.

Clothes are expensive.

I overdid this week a bit and had to get out of the house today. It was also hot for the first time in a couple of weeks so I had to get out into it. I had plans to buy a few things but they partially fell through and all I did was end up pissed off.

I did find some (pretty crappy) sort-of-actual-shorts (as opposed to no-they're-actually-longs, you know, they actually end above the fucking knee) because the typical length shorts of the day are too hot, too uncomfortable, and rub the top of my legs in ways that cause soreness. Now I don't have such a fat-arse at least it's possible to have them fit the leg when they fit the waist. One of the pair I got is basically white - they look like 60s sports day shorts, I just need the white singlet and dunlops and the no 1 haircut to go with an old family portrait, but they're just for for around the house. Either the sizes are a little "generous" or i'm down to a small now and that size definitely wasn't tight.

Actually I haven't really stopped losing weight despite eating pretty normally and doing enough basic exercises to gain muscle. This week I measured a minimum "under 69.0" for the first time in decades (but that was just the extreme of the trough). I somewhat expected it to level off by now.

I went looking for a battery for my bike headlight - the charger for the chinese junk I bought broke but the light is fine and i've been charging the mystery battery with a PSU I made in uni - but i got really pissed off at the dickhead at jaycar who couldn't do more than point at the shelves I'd already looked through so i gave up and walked out. If i just want to get their cheap junk i can get it myself, i only went to the shop to see if they had knew anything I didn't and to support a local business. dx.com it is I guess. Last time I tried the battery bar in the city but the shop assistant was utterly clueless and the 'tech guy' was a condescending fuckwit and it seems more like a "junk bar" than a battery bar anyway.

There's two local shops I will NEVER return to ever again. I made the effort to go to a local shop physically and with a literal pocket full of cash, and they weren't interested in even attempting to close any sort of sale. Fortunately at the expensive wool-clothes shop I went to after the battery bar I had a long chat to the bored shop assistant and she tried to upsell everything 'male' they sold (which isn't much but i hadn't intended to get a jumper when i went in).

I bought some dried fruit from The Market and tried to find a silicone gasket for a (stove-top) coffee maker for one of my brothers - but nobody sells them. At least one guy said it was because they never wear out - which is the whole bloody point! I got one for my machine at Gaganis Bros but they're still in the bad books for their bicycle parking arrangements they didn't have many back then anyway.

At this point i was ready to fall apart or have an accident (i've just been in a foul mood all week and this made it worse) so I said fuck it and had a beer at the Exeter. I quite like the pub itself and the staff are decent but this isn't the first time i've looked around and realised I was surrounded by other middle-aged men so I decided if I have any more I should try somewhere else. I decided at this point to go buy some bike shit after seeing it last time - I grabbed some new shy shorts (30 was the right fit, so yeah I guess I am small now) - the ones i've been using lately are 36 and they were too tight last year but now they feel like nappies with their built-in chamois and the draw-string. Also too long and too hot. Ugh I spent like 170 on another pair of cargoish things at the same time back then which I had been using but they feel like clown pants now, they were even bigger (and both have faded poorly, why are they all black anyway??). And a couple of jersey's which are possibly a bit on the tight side but we'll see - most they had were black and that's too hot so I got a white one and a red one to match my roadie (hey why not). One specific jersey I used most recently still has serviceable cloth but got stretched too much to be passable so at some point I will see if i can take it in somehow. Those expensive bike faded shorts are too big for that but I might also try to take in some other stuff I've never even worn if i can get my sewing machine to cooperate (stuff i was too fat to fit, and now falls off).

So that bike shit (incl, shoes I bought last week, new pedals and cleats), the wool tshirts and jumper, the "POW" PE shorts, jerseys and shorts, a new tyre, well over a grand. It is what it is.

I ended the afternoon with a few beers at the Austral - fuckit, if i get gout so be it (but so far so good?). I had 4 total for the day but I think 2 was probably what I should've stopped as after those two I just wasn't' really feeling anything good and all it left me with was a headache and a churned guts which still persists a couple of hours later.

I contemplated life and it came up very very short. As ever.

I even thought about tattoos. Why? To belong to "something" I guess? I didn't think about them too much.

unusually long arms?

Since getting skinny again i've been forced (against my will!) to at least look into finding some clothes that fit.

On the weekend I went to look at some locally made woolen stuff (expensive!) and the smallest size was still a bit baggy for the thin tshirts (but they are intentionally a rather loose cut). But the jumpers of the same size were just too short in the arms and the shop assistant kindly suggested my arms were unusually long! Hah, maybe, maybe not. I went with a medium jumper and some small tshirts and i'm probably all shopped out for a while after that effort so I wont find out if she was right till I try other clothes. God knows when i'll wear them.

In high school photos I was always at the side in the first standing row and with rows being ordered by height that put me squarely in short-arse territory. When I did work experience at the end of year 11 they kept joking how I was going to "grow up" to be a jocky (funny men!), yet somehow by the time I started uni 2 and a bit years later i'd reached 6'; so maybe i am an odd shape (or it's not me that's odd!).

I had resigned myself to being about 90kg for the foreseeable future at least and I even expected that to be a little optimistic. Losing nigh on 4 1/2 bags of spuds in 9 months seems ... excessive; that was just under 25% of my total mass. I seem to recall measuring myself rather inaccurately at over 1m around the waist at some point, ... and now it's easily under 800mm (those spuds had to fit somewhere I guess). An old mate I worked with before Ximian reckons i'm thinner than when I left to start at Ximian nearly 16 years ago. Yay I guess? FWIW I asked the dr if i was underweight last week and he said no way and even if he just based it on BMI == 20 that's good enough for me.

It certainly makes riding up hills a lot easier. I took the roadie out for a roll last weekend for a 65km round-trip to Port Noarlunga which has a few rises and on the day sported a stiff (and cold!) southerly to head into on the way up. Given its been so long since i've been that far or that hilly (such as it is) it was about the right distance from a cold-start - i was a bit tired when I got home but barely sore the next day (well apart from the arse, it will take a few more trips to get saddle hardened to that seat again). I've also been going to the beach any day it's hot enough and splashing around like a drowning cat-in-a-sack which makes for some solid exercise together with the 1 hour riding required. It's pretty dull though and the 1/2 hour ride home is enough to heat up again but I had to get out of the house.

So apart from the gout i'm probably on my way to being physically in better shape than ever. And on the gout, after a bit of a hiccup of misunderstanding that should be working towards becoming a mostly-non-issue too (albeit with a daily pill).

Pity about the head though, "utterly miserable" pretty much sums that up. But that summation has rarely been very wrong at any time for as far back as I care to remember.

yay summer

Just got back from the beach. Should've had a camera - water was literally like glass. It was overcast so the horizon vanished in places which is always a nifty effect. Water was crystal clear. It is also still pretty cold though and once you go out past the sand-bar things get a bit nippy. Had the cold water all to myself though there were a good few people out and about but almost nobody went beyond the shoreline unless they were on some floating craft. The closest beach is a comfortable 30m ride and between jetties so it's quiet, with no posers or jet-skies (so far?) and the sand is really nice (best sand on any beach i've been on). Should be a nice night too if the stillness keeps up, it's absolutely dead-calm again (@6pm) which we've had a fair bit so far this spring.

Nice to be 'skinny' again too. You don't notice when you're putting it on but its like i just stopped carrying 2x10KG sacks of flour (and a carton of milk!) around with me everywhere, which is definitely noticeable now it's gone. Not that it ever stopped me getting my gear off at the beach it feels better losing the dugong. Its like winding the block back about 15 years, well apart from the mental and physical scars, aches and pains, and now all-grey hair. Although i'm still getting used to looking down at my skinny knees when i'm cycling. I got some new shorts a couple of weeks ago and they already feel loose - but i think they were a pretty generous "Size 32" to start with.

Of course I should be having a beer or nice limey g&t right about now but the gout is already niggling (probably from a couple of beers i had monday with a visitor, first time in weeks) - my toe was even a bit sore after the first dip. Sigh. More fucking tea I guess. For me it seems the main cause is just not drinking enough water (or actually not weeing enough) - but by enough that means at least 3L per day just to start with. Which gets to be a bit of a drag and if i'm doing physical things i'm not sure I can even drink enough to offset the sweating.

It makes going out a pretty abysmal experience because i just don't enjoy myself. Actually I haven't been enjoying myself much going out the last few years but a couple of beers at least made it passable for the occasional highlight. I can have a few but might suffer later so usually don't risk it. Not that i've had much opportunity anyway but i've been almost dreading when they do turn up - i'd rather just garden or find some way to pass time by myself lately. Maybe it'll pass but I don't care if it doesn't. Speaking of which someone just called and i turned him down, but i might change my mind in the next hour. I was all settled in after the trip to the beach and don't feel like dressing up to hit the city, if i can even find clothes that still fit. I never like going out on Saturday anyway as it's too obnoxious and busy and the crowd a bit too keen, and i'm a little underslept and too cranky to put up with that shit anymore.

I've been eating a lot of chillies at home - i'm getting pretty steadily through my stash of frozen habaneros from a few years ago so hopefully I don't run out before something else comes online. I might have to buy an advanced seedling as growing from seed here without a greenhouse takes a very long time due to the cold nights. I finally finished a bottle of Blairs "Possible Side Effects" sauce this week - i can't remember when i opened it but it's years past it's use-by date although I didn't use it for some time. It's really expensive here in AU so i kept it anyway and after i topped it up with some lime juice it tasted better. It's not the nicest flavour but it's ok, and it's hot. Now onto the "Ultimate Insanity" sauce which has been in the fridge too long ... But due to just not eating much anymore and the palatte destruction of lots of chillies often with limes or lemons ... eating out has become super-bland and quite unappealing.

Work has been quite taxing (in a good way, although i'm a little blah on the whole need to work right now) so i haven't been coding much outside of that. I'm not watching much TV. I watch a small amount of twitch/youtube stuff but not that often. I've been playing PS4 a bit more - although it's mostly DRIVECLUB and Res0Gun. Res0Gun is just a brilliant game and although I'm still pretty mediocre at it the more you play the better you get - it's very pinballish. I turn up my new amp enough to feel the explosions. Yum. The other regular is DC which I do some single-events, community challenges, or occasionally tour events. None of my friends have it so I just see what's there (one just got a ps4 but he's not into car games). I've started doing many-lap races to learn some tracks and cars and with sped-up time it makes them pretty interesting once you get into the swing of things. With the new PS communities I played a bit with the photomode and uploaded some for something to do. I got a couple of messages so I guess somebody saw them but it's a little inflexble at the moment - something like a web forum with each 'community' a single topic. I even tried streaming on twitch today which at least I confirmed my router didn't crap-out, but i'll have to be in the right mood to try that again. And check with a GNU box how it looks.

I finally finished the last book i was reading - it really dragged on, and/or i kept falling asleep on the last bit. I dunno some dreary battle against evil by characters i didn't give a shit about (with a weird and entirely unnecessary prologue which explained what happened afterwards). And then straight onto the next of the 12 part(?) epic it is part of. This could take a while ...

I guess it's time to decide on what to do this fine and warm evening.

I can grab my tea and go wander out in the garden in a pair of shorts until the grass gets too cool and then watch some shit on TV or play a game or just go to bed ...

Or get tarted up enough to go to a pub (not much tarting admittedly) and head to the currently trendy part of town to drink water and hang out with my leery mate and his wanker friends (actually only one is obnoxious, if he's even there) while they get drunk and perve on the chicks half their age. And then ride home feeling afterwards probably feeling miserable (it's just happened the last few times).

Yeah I already decided when he called. Time to go see what the bugs have been eating if it hasn't cooled down too much while i've been here. Still dead calm at least.

Losing a chunk.

So i've mentioned it a few times on here - i've been steadily losing weight since February. It's settled now at about 74kg - in part because it just seemed to stop on it's own and its enough off so i'm no longer trying to actively lose weight. It is surprising to me how little food it takes to maintain this so far but i haven't been exercising a lot either.

I'm not sure if the initial trigger was all mental or all physical but in part the shock of getting gout and a full freezer and pantry bereft of 'gout friendly' foods kicked off a period of simply being able to lose weight on whim. I guess I somehow shrank my stomach enough to change how my body detects hunger and once it started I just ran with it - i can't say I tried too hard but I wanted to lose a bit for years. I still get hungry, it just doesn't really bother me like it used to and turn into an overwhelming need to eat. I did a few experiments in the midst to see how little I could get away with and it wasn't hunger that drove me to eat but a sore stomach.

At 92kg I was sadly bang on average for a bloke my age; but that is a lot more than my body can take. Although the belt was the first indication of making progress it wasn't till i broke under about 84kg that I looked (to myself) like I was making any progress; that's probably about when my waist to hip ratio broke under 1.0. After that each kg seemed noticeable one way or another.

I don't feel great or anything, but I would be lying if i didn't say I felt `less shit'.

Looking more like a Clark every year (matriarchal ancestry).

A couple of friends (but thankfully not all!) are already saying I "need to eat" like i'm underweight or something. I'm quite some way from that even if i'm below the average these days. I was skinny until I got a job in the city and started having rich lunches and regular Friday drinks together with a shorter commute cycle and it's slowly accumulated since.

The All Fat Diet

SBS has had a series of diet/health related shows on recently and out of curiosity I looked up some of the stuff i've been typically eating.

Apart from a very low total number of joules around 2/3 of the energy was from fats and oils. Protein was low. I think "diet", "light", "lite" and "low fat" foods are complete nonsense so I certainly wasn't having any of that.

Just bread and butter ended up being a big part of what I was eating (and i don't hold back on the butter). A few spuds and some rice at times. Lots of nuts, mostly almonds. Matured cheddar cheese. Lemons and limes as they are in season. Almost no meat, some but not much grog. Lots of coffee (usually black+none) and tea (green, or white+1/4). But I also had what herbs i could find in the garden mostly in tom-yum-like soup, and plenty of chillies and other random stuff along the way (the chillies were important in one critical way beyond making the bland more palatable). Lots and lots of water.

This isn't what I had all of the time but it was in the majority. It's also not something i'll be continuing but it was certainly effective at losing some weight this time.

One thing I did notice is that big dinner means big morning hunger. I'd already noticed this before but i'm now more convinced of it. If you ignore it it just goes away but it's also easy to eat less at night.

A wretched hive of scum and villainy

This episode of gout also enforced just how useless the internet has become as a source of general information. Almost all the gout 'advice' is useless, being generous. Even the stuff from established medical sources wasn't terribly applicable to me due to being neither 70 nor obese.

For example low-fat is always recommended: but it's never specified whether that has anything (at all) to do with gout or merely just being overweight.

Anyway i'm glad I lost the weight, I wonder if it will stay off this time?

Update: Well 6 weeks later and it's still dropping - 72-73Kg now. I'm eating properly now too - probably better than i have for years and certainly not going hungry.

Update: 14 weeks from the first post and it kept dropping slowly - bang on 70kg has been the base for a couple of weeks now. Damn I haven't been this skinny in a long long time and i like returning to it. Except the fucking arthritis keeps coming back. So despite the good, actually the present is very dark and the future looks even more grim.

all gout, all the time

So my sore foot just kept getting worse despite all efforts of rest so I returned to a doctor. One quick look and he just said 'gout' and prescribed some drugs.

I was a little sceptical and the list of side-effects of the colchicine was a little off-putting but I gave it a go. Well within a few hours all the pain was gone and within a day so was the redness and swelling of both feet.

I guess what I had the last couple of winters was also gout - even though it didn't really appear that way.

Drugs were the last thing I wanted but lifestyle wasn't doing it so that's that I guess. It's probably still going to take a while to get the dosages and medications correct but at least this rules out everything else and has me mobile enough to get back to living.

Despite the weather last weekend I hit the road for a ride intending to just visit friends but nobody was home so ended up doing the 65km round-trip city to coast triangle. It was cold and windy and I took it pretty easy (i'd only just taken the drugs a couple of days before) so it took me over 3 hours and fortunately I missed the rain. Despite freezing my knees and toes (the rest was rugged up adequately) it was more enjoyable than I expected.

Now, if only winter would end ... it's been bitterly cold this year.

Update: Through the last 3 weeks i had some symptoms return a couple of times. Taking some colchicine cleared it up and it seems to be reducing in frequency and intensity ... but yeah it's still around and that colchicine is not good stuff. I'm not really sure the allopurinol is helping or hurting just yet, or if diet is still an issue or not, or really resolved anything; something for the next dr visit. But apart from one day a week ago i've been mobile enough to live normally; although it's been cold, wet, and pretty bloody dull for the most part so it hasn't made much difference. At least the wet has cut the edge from the bitter cold so it feels like winter is finally on it's receding edge. Update 2: I went back to a doc and he took me off the allopurinol. That seems to have been keeping the gout going. So after a week or so its cleared up and i've not had an attack since. It's still a bit sore and not fully vanished but it's the best it's been for months and now i'm doing enough just to get sore from doing too much. I'm pretty much eating normally but i haven't tried grog yet.

... 75.

First time the scales hit 75kg this morning. Probably be up by the end of the day but i'll take it as written. I thought the weight loss was slowing down there as i seemed to be stuck at about 78 for a while but my 80kg post was only 5 weeks ago so it's still shedding at a fair clip. Can't remember exactly when I was last around this weight - probably about 2000 before I went to Boston and eating american food and their foul soft-drinks. It's further than I expected and i'm not sure how much farther I will or should take it, I have a light frame so a few more off wouldn't be excessive even if i might be approaching 'skinny' in the light of modern averages.

I'm barely eating anything yet still functioning about as well (or not) as I was before. Some days i get away with only a couple of handfuls of nuts, some watery/herby/spicy soup I make in a mug, and a single piece of toast; often bread and butter has been the basis of "the main meal of the day". Haven't had the need for afternoon naps for months despite not sleeping better or worse than before and I certainly feel less hungry all of the time than I did when I was eating too much - it felt like something wasn't quite right at the time but it didn't seem possible to correct it. But now even if i'm feeling "really hungry" it takes little to satiate that hunger and I can't finish full sized meals.

The gout seems under control for now but then i strained my other foot from favouring it for so long (@#$@$#) but that will clear up eventually. It's been too cold to do much outside so i'm not missing much.

Not much hacking the last few weeks. I still can't get SVM to work with OpenCL despite it working in some sdk samples. I'm doing some javafx tools for work and getting fairly proficient at that although I still get stuck with frustrating layout issues from time to time. Now I understand it's usage i'm quite liking Tasks for a lot of things although running separate threads and processing loops is still the best solution for anything stateful; threads are quite the joy in Java and they're a great strength over most other languages.

So with not much else to do I've been putting regular time into DRIVECLUB (its a really stunning game and I would rate it over GT for me personally), did a few afternoons of Final Fantasy 13 (i forgot how polished a proper big budget game can be, solid frame-rate, no tearing, and compared to the ps2 games it loads quickly and rarely too; pity the story and characters are awful and it's a bit grindy). I usually try some of the PS+ games but nothing has really grabbed me so far and although a few seem quite solid they are just not to my taste. But I haven't even run most of them. Barely watching tv. I watch some footy but for fucks sake I would kill for a separate audio stream without the fuckwit commentators messing it up (or ads). Abernathy and now mcquire is back too too - i had hoped he'd gone when channel 9 was. So I often end up muting it for them or the next fucking supermarket or hardware "store: advert and then forgetting it's on till it's over. I actually looked into voice recognition on GNU so i could make a device that muted on command! I'm still thinking about it; maybe use whistling or clapping instead. Still reading regularly but mostly in bed, and i've moved on to some more enjoyable, better-written, and less abysmal stories for the moment.

80ks!

My shitty scales said i broke through the 80kg floor this morning. It usually wavers a little over a week but the trend has been clear of late so even if it's not stable it's not far off being so.

Once I got to about 81kg I actually started to actually feel lighter, although the belt is the first indicator followed by the mirror. I've got a waist again.

Not sure how much more will go but 10kg from the start of Feb to the end of April is alright and i'm still eating like a chook.

Now if only my foot worked ...

less shitty internet and more shitty gout

So I got my NBN working again - by power cycling the NBN modem. This isn't terribly easy as it's got a battery backup and a difficult to access/remove power connector. Internode were no help at all and seem to have stopped even responding to support requests now, or at least mine. I only got one response a couple of weeks ago.

Going back to the ADSL did however let me confirm that there's something not quite right with it, as I managed to get some multiplayer DRIVECLUB games in - whilst it wasn't perfect as their servers are still pretty shitty at least it worked a few times - and it's never worked even once using the NBN. To confirm I've flipped back and forth a few times and it's still the same: ADSL works sometimes, NBN never works (it might let me start but always kicks me out). Even using the same shitty fritz-box; so maybe it's not the modem but reports elsewhere suggest it's a piece of junk. Why internode recommend them is beyond me, although i'm sure a firmware update could fix it if it's just that.

I'm not particularly annoyed that DRIVECLUB doesn't work itself because i'm just not into that kind of competition (albeit there is a small spark when it works, but wears thin quickly against deaf and dumb strangers) but it shits me that i've got something that doesn't work properly. I reached level 50 a few days ago - I don't understand when people call the game unapproachable, as it's easy to just work at your own pace and you can still eventually complete the game. I'm very much middle-of-the-road on all the leaderboards and "challenges" and aren't even playing that much each week.

When I feel like blowing an afternoon I'll try setting up a router+dhcp+etc on a GNU box and see if that will work properly just to confirm it's the router. From what I can tell my old billion VG wont support PPPoE without going over the ADSL link - I tried but failed to get anywhere.

Gout kicked up again a few days ago but i'm not really sure why this time. I caught up with some people over a few beers a couple of times and so on with no ill effects but then a week later it just started again. All I can think of is not enough water one day or climbing up a tree barefoot to do some pruning (clumsily). Or the attack is just more delayed than I thought and it was due to something I ate/did a few days earlier. It's mostly ok unless I try to walk but I had to go to the shop today because I ran out of drugs and that was pretty limpy - and to my shock the supermarket was out of ibuprofen, although fortunately the chemist is next to it. Going to be fun getting my bike shoe off. The rate slowed but i'm still losing weight - I had my appetite back there for a bit but it's deserted me again although I'm also putting in a conscious effort too. Come on 80kg, just 2 more to go.

I'm avoiding the news and barely watching tv (working, reading, or playing games instead) but what little I pick up is probably more depressing than these localised issues. But if someone like tony-"fucknut"-abbott can be voted in by the will of the people then what are you gonna do? I just got a mail from the FSF about the TPP ... i just can't believe these slimy cunts who would sell their own nations souvereignty out for the benefit of those who least need it. Why aren't they in a gaol cell or hanging from a tree for such obvious treason?

Well writing this blew a couple of hours in-between doing the washing and some vacuuming; although it's raining now so I gotta find somewhere to hang it. But what to do with the rest of the weekend ...

Update: Internode ended up calling me one night, sort of to appologise for the delay and to follow it up. Guy was a bit annoying, you know the type trying to be `helpful' whilst constantly pushing the conversation forward and not admitting to anything. When I mentioned DRIVECLUB he just did a web search, yeah like i didn't already try that. I never wanted to have to contact support in the first place and hopefully I don't have to again.

Foot's been worse. I have no idea why as right now i'm not really eating enough for it to be diet related and i'm drinking a normal amount of water. Unless it's the weight loss itself, which I guess is just a necessary cost since I need to lose it so i'm taking advantage of the fact I don't feel hungry most of the time right now.

Care factor -1?

Well looks like my nice long break from work is coming to an end soon. Just as the weather picks up to a proper summery hot. I was starting to wonder if we'd get a proper summer this year, it's been a bit mixed. But i've been to the beach a few times in the last couple of weeks and the water's really nice - although most people just seem to go there to sit in the stinking hot sun and barely touch the water if at all (it's like 37 today, although somewhat cooler on the beach it's much hotter in the sun).

Garden kinda went to shit although i've got a row of sweet-corn which should be just about ready to go. Had some hot days but cold nights which seemed to burn the tomatoes and then they got hit with mould or something that killed the leaves off. Still getting a few fruit although grubs are showing up too often. Because they came in dribs and drabs and I wasn't ready I froze enough really nice ripe ones to make tomato sauce when I feel like doing it. Cucumbers were a complete bust. Beans weren't bad. Chillies are ok although i'm eating the lesser ones faster than they ripen. The habaneros are well infront at least and hopefully the ones in pots last a bit longer.

I did almost no hacking. A tiny bit on a web server thing, a little on a space invaders clone. Can't really get into it.

Played some games. Driveclub with it's patches is growing into the masterpiece I always knew it was although I got my first crash on the PS4 using it a couple of days ago. Nobody I know has a PS4 and i'm not in a club which kinda makes the challenges a bit less than they could be, but I go through the community challenges every few days and have a few laps of any that take my fancy. Although most are in the faster cars or longer tracks which I don't find particularly fun. Even won one on Oliver's Landing which is the track i've got closest to 'mastering' (it's the shortest track, and only in forward). I think the Canadian and Indian tracks are the best - prettiest and best track design and road surfaces. The game makes my 46" TV feel too small :( I've been sitting on the coffee table about 1m from the screen if i'm trying to be serious on a track and that makes a huge difference - it also makes the in-driver view work quite well although i'm more of a bonnet man myself. The network code is still a bit flakey - it really sounds like they had to throw it all away and start from scratch and that's going to take months to finish. I've got a small amount of experience with OLTP systems, it would be interesting to know what they did wrong but I guess i'll never know. I'm up to level 41 but only 100 stars into the tours, i feel like buying the season pass except that i doubt i'll get anywhere in them so it seems a little pointless. Although iv'e got two other disc games DC hasn't left the drive for some time. Actually I was poking around where it is and noticed that whole corner of the shelf was covered in spider web with resident daddy long-legs ... i guess i need to do a bit of a clean up.

The resogun update is pretty good although the ranks for the challenges are so insanely high I doubt i'll ever get to try many of them out. I think I will at some point buy the two expansions because the new modes looks like nice (and it's kind of cool the developers were around on the Amiga).

I've been 'buying' most of the PS+ games for months but only occasionally trying them out. The Swapper was a pretty cool play although the whole religious/soul stuff was a bit pointless (as ever). I think i burned through that in one sitting, and did a replay in about an hour - once you know how to solve the puzzles they're mostly pretty easy. I liked Transistor although one-way flirting with a disembodied man's voice is a little off-putting. I've not finished it yet. Thats another game I really have to sit right at the screen to see all the detail (god, wtf would anyone need a 4K TV when I can't even see this one). I tried Infamous: First Light the other day and I guess it was what I expected: infamous is not really for me. The mechanics mostly seem ok although I tend to just keep spamming the radar button otherwise you can't see anyone. I guess my main gripe is that the camera feels claustrophobic - all that pretty town and you spend most of the time looking at the minmap. The environments look pretty amazing though and it moves very smoothly, it seems to be triple buffered but the "frame pacing" is doing a really good job hiding the judder that would normally introduce. Rogue Legacy just seemed, well shit. Very much like many of those C64 ports of early spectrum platform games. Although I think I got further with that than Spelunky which I uninstalled part way through the tutorial levels - just too many controls for what is essentially a crappy oversized Rick Dangerous clone. There was some other digging/exploring game that I gave a bit more of a go of but I just didn't see the point so gave up: at least it was trying to be a bit interesting though.

Back on the PS3 I sunk a few days into Dragons Dogma; came across a pawn with insanely good armour which made the going a lot easier. I kinda got lost for about 20 hours as to where the main "plot" advancement bit was, but i got back on track and now the pawns keep making it obvious by prodding me for the next step. The game doesn't really open up until you hit level 40 ... and at that point just running across the open fields getting from a to b becomes a bit of a drag (even if you have those portal stones, you always seem to leave them in the wrong spot). But after 55 hours in the whole point is lost on me. The graphics on it can look really rough but at other times with the right time of day they can look spectacular, and the character models (particularly the faces) are pretty decent. Tried a few other small things but nothing that I can remember now. I've got a lot of other bigger games i've either not started/opened or barely touched, which I will probably never get around to (small things like "the last of us remastered" ...).

It just takes so much time to play games, and even if you've got a lot of it it seems too much because there's always something else you could be doing with that time instead. I find myself checking to see if anything is worth watching on TV of an evening before thinking about games and it quickly gets too late to start on something. During the day it seems a poor use of time - even if i all i do is fuck around on the computer anyway.

I've also been reading some god-awful "fantasy epic"; The Dragon's Path (well that was the first book). Hate almost all of the characters (except maybe the soldier guy who is about my age and just seems to have ended up where he is through circumstance rather than being a fuckwit/underage slut/completely insane lunatic), the storyline is annoying (medieval world bank/religions/ruling class bullshit), and the story telling mechanic employed isn't great. About the best thing about it is it keeps sending me to sleep, which is actually quite useful for me. Still, I've been trying to plough through it so i can find something better to read. I've got 1 1/3 books to go so I guess it'll be a good few weeks of getting to sleep easier yet :)

But I suppose the most annoying thing is i seem to have gotten gout, or something much like it. One day I had some strong coffee, some beer (while bottling homebrew), then went for a 30km ride on a warm/windy day, dropped by the pub and had 2 irresponsibly-quick jugs of beer, came home and polished off the day with crackers and salami for dinner. Then suddenly out of nowhere it felt like i'd broken my big toe - and i wasn't even sure if i actually had for a while. So then I was basically stuck in the house for 2 weeks playing games (sober!) until i finally got sick of it. It's not particularly painful now but it gets a bit swollen if i use it too much in a given day so i think it's just moved on to some sort of 'stress trauma' of the big toe. Feet have been shitty for a few years so maybe its related. Doctor didn't seem to think it was much to worry about at any rate but i'm cutting way back on the booze for now anyway. I was getting a little bored of that TBH so it wasn't a very hard change although I'd just finished bottling my 5th consecutive batch of homebrew (none of which contributed), so i'll have to see if i can drink it. Wasn't much of a birthday present though.